Losing my virginity

I keep losing my virginity every time I go out lately. These strange little homeless men come in from the rain and rip it from my jugular. It's vulgar and it leaves me in a quivering heap for minutes aftewards. Beer bellied men howl with laughter at me on my knees clutching my gaping throat in the middle of any given pub on Crown St. Then these strange little homeless men swallow it whole, like giblets, and run back out into the downpour. It only happens when it rains. It's something about the water, but I haven't worked it out yet.